So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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