I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
