He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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