I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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