I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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