Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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