there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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