are you still at the devil's house?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
