I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize