Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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