Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
