omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is that strawberry winking at me??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
