When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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