Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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