I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
