He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
