Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
