Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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