bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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