Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A bitchslap is in order.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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