I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
