i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
