I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
