I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
