You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
