Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
