Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
