Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need a hoe opinion
go on
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
