Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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