Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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