I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
