Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
one might say we're banned from that church
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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