38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
