I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
