In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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