when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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