Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You ruined the universe
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
