How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
