his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
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Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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