once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
