Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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