I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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