i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
