Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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