k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
