I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
