I want to make a zoo with you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
