I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
