I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
