i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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