He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize