I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
