I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Mom said you looked used
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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