my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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