No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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