I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just want nice things and good sex
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
