I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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