lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
