just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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