So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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