Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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