Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
