Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
should my penis look like a turkey
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
