The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
