In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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