he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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