god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
