Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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