he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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