i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
whose parrot is this?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
