How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize
