I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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