I saw his package. It spoke to me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
