Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just google imaged poop.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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